Baby Hungry

It seems everyone around me is having babies! Actually it doesn't seem that way. It's a reality. Haha!

My sister in law, my neighbors, ward members, friends afar on my fb news feed, you get the picture.

Don't get me wrong. I'm so happy for them, but it's making me terribly baby hungry. Especially as Olivia is now approaching her 2nd *jaw drops* birthday in March. How can my teeny tiny princess be almost 2 already? It breaks my heart how fast time has gone by!

I really don't know if I'm really ready to venture the path of having 2 kids. That just seems unrealistic right now.

I'm listing these reasons as a reminder to stay strong until we feel the time is right. Oh, and to avoid the whole conversation of "why we haven't had another one yet?".  haha! Okay, lets be honest that conversation will still be had.

*Disclaimer* I don't judge or think any less of someone for having their children close together. It's a personal decision and I respect that! 

So here's my list!

My husband JUST got on a set schedule for work and I'm not sure I want to be sick during those months I'm with him.

Olivia is definitely in her terrible 2s and is requiring lots of attention and work. Lots of melt downs! I want to spend a lot of time with her and help her learn to be polite, kind, and that she doesn't get everything she wants. I know she's just a toddler, but already I can see her learning so much and starting to use and abuse her adorable eyes, cheeks, and VOICE, to get what she wants. Oh and we're going to be potty training her! (More on that later)

I'm not ready to give divided attention to 2 children. I want to relish and bask in Olivia a bit longer. I'm loving staying at home with her more and I want to fully live in the moment with her.

James is going back to school.  I don't think he'll be finished before we try for another one (maybe?), but it'd be good to at least get him settled in and comfortable as to not overwhelm him.

I'm prone to anxiety. After having Livi, I never had post partum depression, but I did have many bouts of anxious attacks.  Some were very intense.

James and I working on our marriage. Not that we are in a bad place, but when you have a child the dynamic changes. There is always room for progression! I want to date my husband and fall back in love. I love him even more then the day I met him, but I think we both deserve a while where our conversations don't consist of poopy diapers, and sleepless nights.

Some may think these are all trivial. I get that, but spiritually I don't think it's right either.  I haven't prayed super in depth about it, but I have made it apart of prayer and I haven't felt any huge promptings to go forward with children. Ill continue to go forward in prayer. I think God lets us have agency and I think he understands the reasons we are waiting and is okay with it. We want to create a environment that's in harmony for another family member  to join and we're not there yet, but we're working on it!

I don't have a time frame....A year? Two? Three?

But I'm sure Heavenly Father will steer, guide, and direct us when the time is right. I can't wait to meet them!