I will follow

Life is so confusing. I thought (haha) given my several trial and error attempts, many misfortunes, lessons, and a land slide of blessings that I had it  figured out. Everyone I've ever conversed with has always commented on my attributes of maturity. I wish that really made me wise or an expert, but the truth is my capacity for real logical philosophy is endless, yet far fleeting. 

I just don't know... You think you got the recipe- all the right ingredients and directions.  Yet there still is potential for something to go wrong. How many have bought cookie dough only to have them burn to a crisp? It happens! They say,  If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. I don't want to sound like a negative Nancy or a pessimist here. My friend **Keira** wrote beautiful post reiterating CW Lewis parable on God building us Mansions. I believe with all my heart that is what God wants for us. I really really really do!

Though, sometimes- it takes longer at getting there then we anticipate. I guess that's where I'm at. I have faith, but trying to gain a clearer perspective. I'm in a funk right now, a good funk, but a funk none the less. I know that I'm learning, and growing, and that I'll be a better person for it, but yet..incidents occur and then I get stuck again.

My dentist passed away. He was young seemed as healthy as the next guy, and now.. He's gone. I didn't know him very well, but it still effected me. When I got the news my heart sank. This was so unexpected. It really opened my eyes and I realize It could happen to anyone of us. That night I went home and hugged my husband as tight as I could. 

And a few people (whom I won't name names) are dealing with cancer. One is even a child! I can't even fathom what that must feel like. I understand that everyone goes through things in different times of their life -no one has a monopoly on pain..  yet these are people whom I love and it hurts me to see them going through this. It daunting on so many levels. I feel privileged to know them, and to watch them be so courageous. I hope I can help them.  I want to take it all away. I want to give them guarantee.  I want the right words to say... and yet all I can give is my support. It kills me that I can't do more. 

I know there is opposition in all things, I know God is watching and looking after me and my friends, yet I dont understand the complexity of it all. I'm a skeptic and so every so often I feel I'm walking blindly. We all feel it occasionally. Ill be honest, I don't know why it's that way... but yet I do  feel him working within me to break down those walls and this much I DO know:

*I WILL FOLLOW*