*Envy*

I haven't blogged for a while. Things have been crazy. I miss blogging, but at the same time, its been good to be busy and hash my thoughts before I actually decide to publicize and before I shove my foot in my mouth!

Recently James and I have moved into a marvelous little condo over across from the high school and we've been unpacking and settling in. :)

MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE!

....with that being said, I've fallen into pretty bad habits! When dejunking, cleaning, and decorating my place... I've found myself being very judge mental of my surroundings, myself, and the ones around me including my dear sweet husband. (I'm so sorry!)

Suddenly with out a real warning... I become grumpy and finding all the imperfections that I want to FIX immediately and make beautiful. Nothing wrong with making a house a home right? Right! and so far...it's only been success after success of transformation. (Thanks James for letting me splurge) We've found some very affordable things to go well with our house, and we've also been able to sell a lot of our stuff with out much hesitation.

All in all.... Its only been a blessing!

Whats the problem you ask? My perspective and attitude! I recently have found myself WANTING more and been envying the lives of others. I guess you could say "I have been trying to keep up with the Jones" Despite all that I have just been GIVEN and recently been blessed with! How silly and ironic is that?

I didn't even know it was possible for me to be a jealous person without seeing the status of everyone on facebook! Seriously.. I thought my problem was solved, when I haven't had Internet access 24/7 when we moved in. (It's now installed in our new house) but I think Satan has a back up plan... and you better believe that he'll use it on ya if you let him.

Good thing I had a plan of my own and General Conference was this last weekend huh? Because I was in some serious trouble... and I may make light of it, but it was leading me to my own unhappiness!

“Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition,...."

"May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another. We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. “The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.”--Elder Holland

Boy that hit home! Let me tell you, I've been placed in a community with the most amazing people. I have the most talented friends and the best family members you can imagine. Some are extremely athletic. Some are incredibly wealthy. Some are super crafty. Some are very profound. Others are thrifty.. and the list goes and on.. sometimes, I'm aw struck that such people number me among their friends. Most of which are a lot farther then me in life! They have their houses that they have established themselves in, They have their fancy yards, TWO cars (I really do envy this more then I like to admit) and they even have not just one child, but multiple children of which they call their own.... That is something that I long and hope for probably the VERY most...It's hard to see people your age or even not your age raising children when James and I ourselves have discussed, contemplated, and prayed about it and the answer is... not yet.

And while I am ever so HAPPY for their good fortune, sometimes it makes me wonder.... Where is mine?

But as Elder Holland elegantly points out... It's not a race. I just bought a house, and while its not a mansion or even a 5 bedroom home... It's progress, and thats what all this life is about right? Living, and learning from it? Progression.

He closes with “However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made, or talents you think you don’t have, or distance from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love.”

This makes me cry. How could someone who doesn't even know me personally speak so closely to my heart? Every single word of that which he talks about I have harbored inside me for SO LONG. How did he know that I don't feel talented? How did he know that I feel left out...How did he know to use the words "race" because I like running and can relate?

Because he is apostle, (one of my favorites actually) and He speaks to us as Jesus himself would, and of course Jesus knows me... and YOU!

I am so grateful for conference, and I look forward to reading the talks over again.

I know without a doubt this life is not a race....It's a journey, and I know that Heavenly Father HAS blessed me with SO many blessings and will continue to pour out his love upon me. I know that good things are ahead of me. I just know it!

It's okay to want to be better....but its not okay to envy what others have or judge how they got there. I have NOT been deprived of blessings, and I will strive to NOT to take my blessings for granted.