Part Three

A small gentle kiss... His lips against mine... mine against his. It was soft and tender.. and incredible. Some people say, they know whether they REALLY like a person after they kiss because there will be something there. The "sparks" Or "magic". In James and I's case.. They were ALWAYS there, at day one. However, when we kissed.. It was only magnified, and what was just a small kiss turned into a more passionate one. I understand now why adults say to wait for that kind of interaction until after high school. The feelings I had were almost un-controlable.

We finally let go and at last looked into each others eyes. This was by far better then any movie or book that I could have seen or read. Biggie was oblivious to what had just happened. It was getting late, and I needed to get back home. So they took me back.

This is the part where things get complicated. Okay, So it was clearly obvious that the attraction was there and that we liked each other right? Well at that point I got really confused. I had kissed a lot of boys, even had relationships with many of them....but so many had only been there for the physical aspect. They only wanted to make out, and I was generally disappointed and really hurt... (I guess I didn't date the best guys!)

So long before James and I ever met, I built myself a wall. A brick wall that protected my heart. In my head... Once I kissed a guy. That was it. It was over. Thats all I was to the guy. Someone to kiss. Nothing more and thats when I got really confused.

Was I just another ncmo (non commitment make out) to this guy? Did he just say all those nice things so that I would kiss him? Thats when I went over the scenario back in my head, James was perfect at everything he did. He was too good to be true. Besides.. He started hanging out with me before he even broke up with his girlfriend (even if he didn't make any moves).. He must be player.

So even though my heart called out for James, I turned that little switch off and went back behind my wall. I had been in this place before, and I wasn't about to be fooled again. I actually LEARN from my mistakes.

James and I still talked online, even flirted... James had talked about being in a relationship, and I told him I didn't want to be the "rebound". He seemed upset, but I figured it was just because no one likes being rejected. He seemed determined though. We still talked and flirted and in mind... Nothing had really changed in HIS mind, but in mine.. everything had. What had just started was now over.

*********************************Part four coming up!