Disclaimer: Not the lightest Topic in the world. Read as you will, Place Judgments Not.
I realized my birthday was coming up, and for the first time in ever... I got worried. Let me explain. I am young, I am not upset about another year passing-I still have a lot to experience and enjoy. However, In High school I always envisioned me being around this age when I start to have kids. Its probably partly Utah Culture, but I after I got married (so young) I decided that sounded like a good age and I had good reasoning. I actually WANT to have kids young. Why? Well, I want to have my kids while I am young so that giving birth I am still physically at my peak of health and its not as hard. I also plan and hope to have more then one child, and I would like to have them a two -three years apart (Close enough to be friends, but far enough apart to appreciate them as a little baby and person AND enough time to recover physically and mentally--because as we know, It takes time and effort to be a Mom) I also would like to be able to travel with James someday and not still be changing diapers. And for the record.. Let me clear
I love where I am at right this second! I loove being able to have enough $$$ to spend on clothes for myself, being able to go on dates and spend quality time with my husband. I am really not baby hungry. I am just a girl who cares and the thought has occurred, That my biological clock is ticking. (Ha. That felt weird to type)
First of all.. I am very hesitant to even post this for any and all to read especially in happy valley smack dab right here in Spanish Fork! but the reason I do is because there is a few reasons James and I are not trying for kids right now, and I feel its IMPORTANT for *me* to be reminded.
Its up to James and I, and no one else, and to put it simply both of us are not ready. James wants to have a better career and be making more money. I know I know! I have heard it all before. "Don't put it off, you will never be quite ready." While I do believe that statement to be true, My aunt Marci once told me: "You will just know"and I found that kinda interesting, but as my Relationship with Heavenly Father has grown, I understand what she means now. I HAVE made it a matter of prayer and right this second, *NOW* is not the time. I feel it getting closer and closer, but I still have things my Heavenly Father wants me to learn. For me personally, its not about Money -I have faith James will succeed and the Lord will provide a way there, but as for me, its understanding that I need.
I was telling a close friend of mine the other day how I am prone to get depressed, but that I rarely have "depressed" days anymore. I know that after having a baby some mothers get very emotional, and even though I have NEVER given birth, I do know what that is like. This does not discourage me from having children. Not at all. I have dreamed to be a mother for years. and no one (not even myself) can scare me away from it. I have learned SO much this past year about how to manage my feelings, prevent future feelings, but I still am learning how to take care of myself and love myself. I am not trying to postpone it. I know it will be hard for me at first just like any mother, but since I know how I am and I susceptible to those kind of things happening. I HAVE to know that I can survive it... I have to prepare myself to be mentally strong -for myself but more importantly for my family.
Once that happens, THEN I will know I am ready, and Heavenly Father WILL let me know. He already has let me know I am almost there in so many ways--And when it does actually happen, it will be the best day of my life! All the waiting and preparing, and praying will be worth it. I am SO excited to be a Mother. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and I am excited for this year!
23 years young? Bring it On!
2 comments:
I agree with you completely! Evan and I have been married for 3 years and people assume we should have a few babies by now (some assume we are having problems getting pregnant too). No thanks. I will when I want to and feel it is the time. If by chance it happens a little before I'm ready then maybe I was ready sooner than I thought. I LOVE my life with Evan right now. Our relationship is enjoyable and strong and we are enjoying our youth right now. We didn't get married so young to immediately get our lives moving in such a hurry. We knew we were right for each other and want to still be just Evan and Monyka. I'm glad I know someone who feels the same way. People try to make us feel selfish all the time... but at least we won't have ANY resentment (not saying they do or even I would--everyone is different) when we have kids because they/the child "took our lives/youth that we didn't get to live" away (just because people told us to). We will appreciate our family even more when it comes on our own terms and not peer-pressured. Enjoy life in the moment.
I love your blog. I love how honest you are. I completely agree with you. No one has the right to tell you what you should do with your life, especially when it comes to having kids. I had a family member pressuring Mike and I to have kids as soon as we got married, and I told her it was none of her business. I wasn't going to go through nine months of craziness just so she could have a picture of a baby to show off to friends. The Lord sent us Chloe when we were definitely not trying. As soon as the test turned blue, it felt right. The Lord works in mysterious ways and I think you're amazing to know what the Lord is telling you and your family. Good luck with everything! :)
P.S. I agree with Monyka...Mike and I definitely needed the 2 1/2 years to get to know each other and get used to being married. :)
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