Being Happy for Others.

It seems like rarely I blog about anything other then Olivia... and the whys of that could take paragraphs to explain, but wouldn't be of any real relevance or importance to this post so I'll spare you the details.

Also, as per usual -please disregard all my typos. Writing and grammar are not my strong points. I will try the best I can, but I also live a life with not a lot of time so be patient and kind to me. If you can't stand that type of thing, kindly leave now. Or if you really want you could edit it for me, but I doubt you have that much time either.  So without further ado, lets begin!

November being the month of Gratitude I thought I'd express my thoughts on the subject.

We all have been blessed. We all have things to be thankful for. The Lord cares for us all.

The confusing part is if God loves us the same. Why are we all blessed differently?

The answer is simple, because WE are different. No one has the same life as someone else. We make our own stories and have our own destinies. We come from different backgrounds, and have our own talents, our own weaknesses, yadda yadda yadda. You've heard it before. You get the picture.

We ALL understand this concept. Yet, somehow we get trapped in the caparison game and often feel betrayed or forgotten when good fortune is placed elsewhere. We ask God and ourselves tough questions like "Why them? Why not me?" "Aren't *I* good enough?" We see the big house, the nice car,  the person who won a race, and instantly we think that we should have it too... and by we.. I mean me.

Yes, I've done it. Many times. Probably on a daily basis.

But I promise I'm working on it. I thought maybe I conquered it when I overcame my self esteem issues... but clearly this will be a life long process.

To gain a little insight.. Ill be specific.

Recently I've been on the other side of spectrum..Sometimes the best way to gain perspective is from the other side. Funny how that works huh? A few weeks back our luck had turned and James got promoted to Full Time at Nuskin. He's worked 40 hours many times (almost always) but this meant he would BE ON THE SCHEDULE full time as well. This was a frighteningly exciting change for us. We could get benefits and he'd get a raise.. which in turn meant I could drop hours at my job. We didn't quite know how it was all going to pan out, but we took a leap of faith and went for it.

I've been employed for 8 almost 9 years since we've been married and that includes when I was uncomfortably sick and pregnant. Shortly after (12 weeks to be exact) Livi was born I went straight back to work. 30 hours, 4 days a week. I've never complained, and in many ways, it  been great for us.  I feel very blessed to have the job I have and how it's worked out so well for our family. I know others who have had it harder.

I know with out a doubt Heavenly Father has blessed us every step of the way. He has provided for us. I also know that staying home more has been one of my biggest prayers.  Not because I hate work, but because I want to be there for my Daughter and Husband more fully.

The sad part is when I dropped hours. I felt ashamed sharing it with many. It felt if I did- I'd ruin their day. I could see the smiles on their faces leave as I told them the "good news", and you know what? It hurt my feelings.  Why weren't they happy for me? Didn't they know the struggle and the sacrifice we've put into it up until this point?

Disclaimer:*Before anyone takes offense or feels insulted/blamed. This hasn't been the case for everyone, probably not even the majority, but it only takes one or two for it sting, and I promise I've moved on. It's merely to make a point. It was disheartening and upsetting at the time.*

So for a while I mostly I tried to avoid talking about it, but it's been hard. I WANT to talk about it. This is a huge change for me. In many ways a good change. A change that I feel was supposed to happen. It makes me sad that no one wants to discuss it with me. It makes me feel unimportant like no one cares.

It served a purpose though because this was the awakening I needed to STOP comparing!

Recently my sister in law got pregnant. At first, my initial response was to be jealous. Jealous! Instead of being happy for her..  I was envious. Big Ego right? There are a few reasons, but the reasons shouldn't matter, at least not enough to withhold my best wishes.

We are not ready, and it is not our time. Knowing that, you'd think I'd be fine with it, but I'm one tough cookie to teach. It still stings knowing we are not venturing that path yet. Why does it matter? It's not a race, but there I was again wallowing. It's easy to talk the talk, but walking the walk has been much harder.

Then I remembered  how people treated me during my achievements.. and I realized I wanted to be the person that was congratulatory, thoughtful, and caring.

You want to know what jealousy did for me? It robbed me. It robbed me of my gratitude, of my happiness, and of being content.

We are so busy looking to the past, the future, and at others that we never are truly living in the here and now.

In General Conference there is a talk given by Elder Lawrence called WHAT LACK I YET? and while I haven't actually gotten down on my knees and asked Heavenly Father what exactly I am lacking. (Though I plan to) I know this is something I need to work on. I KNOW I need fine tone my thought process. I have a serious problem of "keeping up with the Jones" and with "Status." This is my problem and I am owning it. I need to be happy for others.  We all need to be happy for others and maybe even more importantly be happy for ourselves.

I love my sister in law, her family, and I will love her new little bundle of joy! Sure, it may be difficult, but I'm choosing how to react and feel. We choose our emotions and our reality.  I'm quite fine with where we are. There is valid reason for where we are and why were choosing it. God is good and the more I trust in him, the more I see how much he has blessed me....right here, right now.

So the moral of the story is: Be happy for others peeps.  It will save you a bunch of unnecessary heartache, and lastly be Grateful. I promise, it's makes things easier.