Love Letter

Dear Olivia,

I want you to know that you were thought about nearly all my life.. Especially the first six years of marriage between your dad and I before you were ever born.

You were hoped for, dreamed about, and I longed to meet you. Your dad too, but especially me.

Your journey here was difficult. Well, for me at least. When you were conceived I felt I was the happiest woman alive, but soon hormones kicked in and I felt very very sick.

I also worried deeply and immensely about you. I already loved you so much and didn't want anything to hurt your fragile state. I remember being paranoid about what I ate, what activities I would do, and how you were developing. I just wanted the very best for you. I still do.

I know all parents say this, but the day you were born was better than anything I could have hoped for. I was so nervous that something was going to go wrong when I was pregnant that the moment I found out you were alive, and healthy and finally here was such a relief to me.

Not only that, but you were and are so much prettier than I could have ever imagined. I know all parents say that too, but I have all the hospital staff and pictures to prove it. You are quite the looker.

Olivia, oh my goodness sweetie. You know, before I had you I got to say I was pretty happy, but since you've been here I've learned a new kind of happy. A selfless happy. Before I was happy mostly for myself, but now I'm happy for you. Each new achievement you accomplish and all your milestones and you know what ? I'm okay taking a back seat and letting you be in the spot light now. In fact I loooove showing you off, and by the way you have a way with people. You win them over with your adorable personality.

I can't believe you have so much personality this young but you do! Your so smiley, and I can tell your smart. I see so much thought and emotion in your face. You're so talkative and vocal, and even though you get fussy... Its not bad at all. You're a happy happy happy baby. You are much easier than I thought you'd be.

You even sleep through the night. Sometimes I wonder if you knew how stressed out I was and that's why your such a good baby, because you wanted me help me out. Seriously I've never heard of a baby being as good as you. Your my little sunshine girl and when I'm around you all that stress melts away.

You complete me, you filled a void in my heart and now I feel whole. Motherhood is wonderful, especially being yours. 

There are a few things about being a parent that are hard, but all of the things that are hard are just the things I do FOR you (vaccines, pumping, going back to work), nothing ABOUT your actual self is hard. I love everything about you.

Speaking of which.. I know there is probably going to be a day that you will question me. I think all children do (question their parents ), and I want you to know that already I have fallen short as a parent. I'll be first to admit that I'm not perfect, but every action I have taken, its been thought about and contemplated closely, because I love you and want the best for you. Its hard to think of you suffering based on something I did or didn't do, but that's just life sweet baby girl. It isn't always fair, but I'm glad its not because if it was I probably wouldn't have you. Your far too beautiful , calm, happy, forgiving, for me to deserve. Here we are though. God entrusted me with you and I'm so glad.

No matter what happens I have and always will be looking out for your best interest. I can't guarantee you perfection, but I can without one doubt in my mind guarantee you love. Love behind every action and every word and every thought. Because that's what mommies do.. They love their children and Olivia.....I.....LOVE.....YOU.

Sincerely Mom