Hormones

Today I had a minor breakdown. Ive had a few of these since Ive been pregnant. There have been numerous challenges  that Ive thought were contributing to my anxiety. (And obviously they ARE factors, but certainly not the only ones.) Ive had such doubt, stress, and fear in my life for the last few months. I think somewhere along the line, after I had fallen so many times-I just perceived that as reality. That it was just part of my destiny.  It's been a roller coaster of emotions, mostly fear based ones.

After I had a good crying, and journaled, I realized that part of the reason Ive had so many ups and downs has to do with hormones. I've heard of many women struggling with postpartum depression after they have their babies, but I hadn't really heard of women struggling with it during pregnancy. Im not here to complain, but rather to sympathize. For the first time, I feel like I can relate to this topic now. (Even if its just a fraction of what other women have gone through) It's being more discussed now, but still more women need to know they are not alone in feeling the way they do, and it's okay.

It makes sense though. Hormones increase and fluctuate when a women becomes pregnant-thats why I believe so many women get so sick (which in my case hasn't completely ceased yet). It's the same concept that after a woman gives birth, her body is all out of wack and her hormones decrease and have to get back track and regulate again. If she gains weight, or gets sick, because of her hormones, then logically it makes realistic sense that her moods will probably be altered in some way shape or form as well.

Ive said this before, and I'll say it again. Ignorance is not always bliss, but Knowledge will always be power. As I start to contemplate my worries I try take it with a grain of salt and realize that while there is some validity in a lot of my fears, they are probably over stimulated right now and that everything is heightened. 

Knowing that this is normal part of the process, does not solve the problem all together. Im sure I still have plenty more attacks, but it does make me feel a little less crazy! Just knowing that MOST likely everything is going to be fine, and that everything will work out makes me feel a lot better. I try to remind that to myself every day. I also take comfort that because most of this is my hormones acting out, things will go back to normal and eventually Ill feel like me again. So will each mom who goes through this process. 

I do worry a lot, I'm very high strung in that regards but as someone so beautifully pointed out to me the other day it's  because I care soo much, I just want the best for our growing child. Im already so protective and my motherly instincts have already kicked in so much. It's amazing the bond you can form to someone you haven't really even met with yet.

I can see this teaching me endurance,  to have faith, and to trust in the Lord. Plus, I get a cute baby in the process out of it, so while this is testing and refining me, It truly is a blessing. 

I love you Baby Morris! SOOOO MUCH!