Patience and Forgivness.

I know I promised some blog posts about my hair, our new car, etc etc.. and while I still plan on posting about it, I recently I've been kind of humbled.

For about as long as I can remember.. I've had been blessed with a non judgmental heart.  Maybe I inherited it from my God sent mother, or maybe I learned it through the trials I've endured and suffered through the judgments people have passed to me. Lately though that's not been the case.

I remember a time, when I'd let people walk all over me. They would say things, they would hurt me, and I wouldn't say anything.  I wished so badly that those people wouldn't judge me or hurt me the way the did.

Well time passed, and I started telling myself I was worth something. I would tell myself good things that made me feel good every day and I started to gain self respect and I finally got  tell people *MY* thoughts. How *I* felt and to actually defend myself and my reasons. . . It was empowering.

But I think the power got a little bit out of hand and now I face the opposite problem. I have confidence in myself! I know who I am and who I want to be!  No one can really take that away from me. But, sometimes (not always) I really lack that patience and forgiveness that everyone deserves and was certainly given to me.

I find myself being short and probably even rude. Even if I was just explaining myself. I don't want to change or loose my self respect and let people walk all over me again but I really want to find a happy medium and be able to love others unconditionally.  We all have our reasons, and we all have different circumstances and while I can't change they way THEY act...I can change the way I RE-act to them (and that certainly includes what I say about them when they are not around)

Exhibit A:
My husband looses the keys and asks where they are.  Instead of me saying  "That's too bad. find them yourself. YOU lost them. "

I can say: "You lost your keys? Oh no! That's frustrating. Have you checked in the key hole?" (Or if I am being really nice I could even offer to help! )

Or

Exhibit B:
A close friend says something about how short and rude another friend has been.
Instead of me saying:"I agree! What's her deal?!"

I can say: "That doesn't sound like her. She must be having a hard day."

Or Exhibit C:
A angry customer gets on the line and starts yelling
Instead of me saying: "Sir calm down!"

I can reflect and say "Wow it sounds you're pretty upset, how can we make this experience better?" (That one will be a hard one)

I know these are pretty basic and probably common sense, but I've really had to step back and remind myself that too often things get elevated into something that could have been prevented all together.

I feel guilty for loosing my cool so many times this last few months(even it wasn't all out yelling and screaming) One may justify It's been the stress from moving but I can't justify my actions no matter the circumstances.

I've been thinking about being a mom a lot recently... and I don't want to be a angry mom who yells at her children all the time. I want to be a happy mom who her children come to talk to.

Nothing would make me happier then to be a mother and while  I am not one I know I will be someday. So I better start practicing!