Trials, Blessings, and Miracles.* My full Potential *

Trials:

These last four in half months have really been a sensitive subject to talk/write about (until now). When James got laid off-Orginally I was not really to worried. We have played this game many times since we have been married. It's just comes with the territory-If you don't have a degree or school--you don't have as good of job opportunities.  With the economy crashing like it has, it's no surprise that some businesses will have to downsize. I have no hurt feelings or hard feelings against James previous employer.

I however have much faith in my Husbands talents and abilities. He's been a sales men--which bought me the most gorgeous BIG wedding ring, which generally would cost a fortune to pay off! I think we made like 4 payments and were done! That just shows how good of sales person James is. He has been supervisor of younger kids in High school. He's had office jobs, worked tech support. GREAT at film (won many prizes) Good at writing (also have won prizes for this--he even has wrote a book) He's physically fit and emotionally strong.  Trophy husband ;) anyways! He's lost jobs many times--Not for anything he did, but he's always gone out and found another job within a week or two of loosing one. 

This time was not the case. James did try! He tried dang hard! He applied for 3 jobs a day--which can be hard when no one is hiring! He even got SEVERAL promising interviews, but yet... nothing. 

I still wasn't too worried. That's where faith kicks in right? Just keep going and have faith that things will work out. We sure did have faith. We prayed, fasted, read our scriptures, paid our tithing and endured. 

Months passed. 

Then I started to worry. With each passing day, I tried to stay strong, and happy and I did :) Though in the back of my head, I really had no idea what was going to happen to James and I.  Our marriage-while very strong-got harder. It was hard to remain patient with each other and understand where each other was coming from because we were in two very different spots. I was working, involved in young womens, staying active and over whelmed. He was not employed, had a lot of free time on his hands and was feeling very bad about himself for not being able to provide for our family.

Groceries were expensive. Things were tight. It was hard. 

Blessings: 

Last week James got a call from Vivint stating he got a job! 

----------------The timing could not have been better.---------------- 

*It was the day I said a very specific and long prayer. (I thank everyone else for their prayers as well)

*He had unemployment but it was going to be running out soon. (So we were provided for--didn't have to  borrow or take out any loans etc )

*Right before the holidays. Though the holidays don't revolve around money or gifts... I am grateful we will have that THIS time. 

*It was after he had completed his film. So he had time to enter it into festivals.

*He had more time to study for his college classes

Miracles: 

In this time I learned a lot about myself.  

After High School--changes had taken over me. I was married. On my own and kind of alone. This is going to sound superficial-but I had no one to build me up. I had no friends. They all were off at college or married themselves! In High school. Everyone always told me how pretty I was, how animated, how happy, how creative, social and bubbly I was. This is who I am :) though I didn't know it for myself personally. I just trusted everything everyone said. I relied on others to define my importance. 

When I didn't have those connections anymore Kira died temporally. I seriously didn't know who I was anymore. I had depression. I had anxiety. I didn't laugh. I didn't want to be around people. I didn't want friends.  I hated how I looked. I was in a very dark dark place. 

Many of you know this story-Ive told it before on my blog and in person. To make a very long story short(er) I prayed often and forced myself to do the things that I didn't want to and I got better.  :D Much much better, but this time for good. 

Still though, even though I now am HAPPY. I have had this feeling of not being good enough. Like despite all my efforts, I still was not the "Kira" I wanted to be. 

During this time of Trial when James lost his job though, I REALLY saw myself. There were times when I felt really unsure of myself or where our family was going. How we would make end meet. What we would do. I really want kids right now, but its not quite our time yet. So I was down about that. Work was really stressful. Young Womens was so busy! (It still kind of is)It required a lot of meetings, personal time, and big events! I really felt like quitting. Sometimes I would justify that it was okay to quit, and sometimes it was :P I compared my life those of my friends. Many of which are older then me. Who have houses and children. Two things I did not have. I compared how crafty so and so was. I compared how athletic another person was, and I wanted to be them. 

I really saw who "Kira" was and is though when I pushed through it and looked past all of that and kept going. When I started to get down, I made a real effort to pick myself up---not someone else. When I started to feel bad about not having a house or children. I reminded myself how much fun I have with James. How he is close to finishing his associates degree, and how many of my friends are older then me and to not compare. I told myself I am great!

This week I ran 13 miles, and you know what? This made me feel soo good about myself! I've been running for months, and I've never really tried or put myself out there to run a race or run 13 as I was too afraid I would fail, but I did it today, and I know if I really tried hard I could run a actual half marathon and even a full one! I can do hard things!

And I've come to find myself. This is me. This is Kira. The girl who won't give up-- until she gets what she wants. Because I am great! I am social, happy, bubbly, creative, and so much more! And maybe one day... I truly can be the Kira I envision. I'm not there yet... but I am happy with myself today. In every way.  

I can reach my full potential and I plan to! 

Bwa ha ha! Great picture don't you think ;) I'm not really flexing! 

And for me -a stubborn girl, to FINALLY realize this... Now that's a miracle! ;)