So before I begin, I think I need to give a little bit of background. Here is one thing you need to know about me. ****I am a perfectionist.**** I am such a perfectionist that I hate to admit this about myself because i have SO MANY imperfections. Being stressed out in basic tasks for me just comes with territory. Everything MUST be completed with excellence.
While I do consider this attribute about myself a positive one, it's caused me a lot of heart ache. I set extremely HIGH expectations for myself that sometimes are NEAR impossible.
As I have grown into a adult the stress has only elevated. Being a TRUE adult comes with MUCH responsibility/obligation. This is a good thing. :) It gives us purpose and fulfillment in life, but when you take life and it's commitments as seriously as I do it can be extremely overwhelming and difficult.
A perfectionist worst nightmare is to let anyone down. A mother, a child, a co-worker, a boss, a neighbor, a friend, heck even a enemy! We as human beings fear rejection! We avoid it like the plague and in doing so we aim to please anyone and everyone, taking on probably more then we can handle. Now take on the upcoming holidays and you're in for a disaster!
Do you ever have similar feelings? I know that I am one big scrooge all year long, beating myself up for not doing enough, or not doing it well enough, or for letting someone down.
Why am I writing about all of this? Am I venting? Maybe, but more importantly I have learned a beautiful, marvelous, fabulous, superb, remedy my friends! It's so good I must simply shaaaaaare.
As a teenager we hear the phrase "Just say no". Generally referring to doing drugs or sex. Well ladies and gents this statement rings true for adults too. If you are feeling stress because you, like me: work full time (40 hours), have a big church calling(yws), Your sister in law is getting married and you're doing her wedding video(true story), It's your great grandma's 100th birthday (yes-really),Your husband is in school, and you go to the gym, cook, clean and every else that involves being a wife/mother.
Then just saying NO is a one small piece of heaven wrapped and ready to go for you!
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat. Try not to say no just because you can. Look at your schedule, weigh in the pros and cons, and then make a thought out decision. The pro of being a adult is no one gets to force you to do anything you don't want to. If you're on a diet and you have too much on your plate you wouldn't ask for seconds. That's just logic.
When you do decide that you need to decline. Be polite. "No thank you" Explain why you can't. Be honest. You don't have to go into every single detail of why you feel overwhelmed but it could be just that-you're overwhelmed. People deserve honest answers and generally appreciate it.
Saying no takes practice. When you say it, instantly you feel bad. You will worry what the receiver will think. This may weigh down your mind for a while, and so you may decide to change your mind and say "yes".
Often though, I have found that guilt of saying no is almost never greater then the stress of saying yes.
The prophets have told us to "Simplify" our lives. Sometimes we are so busy in the little things that don't matter that sometimes we forget to do the BIG things that matter most. Part of simplifying is saying no to tasks that can be done another day.
Do the dishes really need to be done RIGHT now? Or can it wait a day so that you can spend more time with your family?
Too many times we take on too much, and sometimes when we say "yes" and our intentions are to serve the people we love.. we are doing them a disservice actually. While this is not ALWAYS the case. It really can be.
Mothers don't always have to answer to their children. Even when they are crying. This teaches them to self sooth. Mothers don't always have to clean up after them. Sometimes by saying NO, you allow someone else to take that responsibility and grow themselves. Such as cleaning their own mess.
I have found that being a adult often is about setting boundaries. You win some and you loose some. Things will NEVER be perfect, but you will be MUCH happier if you do the things that matter most and forget the rest.
I hope to remember this as the holidays come and stress starts to arise. The spirit of Thanksgiving and Christmas is supposed to be enjoyed and a happy time, and I for one want to relish and bask in the love it brings. We can do this if we remember to cut out the fat and leave what is essential we will be a lot happier. God wants us to improve, but line upon line -precept upon precept. Little by little.
Not just in the holidays but through out all the busy and wonderful times in your life!
Try not to use self comparison, or perfection as a way of life. Be happy for all the times you've said yes! Embrace in your success and remember its okay...
To JUST SAY NO!!!!! (well sometimes)
:)
2 comments:
I really love this blog!
I know this all to well. Thank you for posting.
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