A Real Reason to be Thankful

I dont when it started or exactly why, but sometime little over a year ago, I stuck in a rut. I got really depressed and I dug myself a hole i could not get out of. The hole was so deep, and so black and dark I thought i would never get out. In fact I vividly remember day after day looking at myself in the mirror praying and hoping that someday this would be over. I was so depressed, it was hard to be around people. Even family members. I hate being at work and could not wait till i could go home to be myself. I let fear get the best of EVERY aspect of my life. I remember on Thanksgiving, I didn't want to go to my families dinners because i was afraid I was going to eat too much dinner and get fat. I was also afraid my family would get mad at me for not spending enough time with them ( since we have to share with both our parents) I was afraid Heavenly Father would be mad at me. My only motivation was my fear. I felt if i did everything just right, then it would go away. The ironic thing is, the more i gave in to it , the worse it got. I got so in a schedule of doings things, to make that fear go away that If i did not do one thing that was on my list.. My world ENDED, seriously. No one understood me. No one knew why i worried so much. No one knew why doing things was so hard for me. I felt crazy, and I was a little. I felt terrible about myself. I cried almost every day, and my body was SOOOOO worn out from everything I made myself do.

One day at work, I was in the bathroom stall crying. Begging Heavenly Father for a way out. I knew that life is meant for trials, and I knew he couldn't take it at all away, but I knew and I wanted so badly a way out and some help. So I prayed so hard... not even to have my life change but to just make it through the next hour, And the very second I was done praying. I got a VERBAL confirmation "Dont worry, things will not always be this way" I knew it was the Lord and That gave me so much strength and so much hope.

The next few weeks, were not much different, I was still very OCD, afraid, depressed, and alone. However I had one thing going for me, and that was hope. A hope that one day, my life would be better. 

I was reading the scriptures and saying my prayers every night, waiting and hoping for a reply. The biggest Lesson I learned was, I needed to trust my Heavenly Father. So slowly but surely I started to make a small gradual steps I could do to trust in him. To listen in him and not the fear  I felt in my heart. I would write down my accomplishments in my journal and I was proud of myself and I knew he was too. 

Heavenly Father sent me friends. He sent me wonderful friends to laugh and let loose once in a while. He also gave me friends who understood what I went through and who cared and who had strong testimonies themselves. 

Over the course of the year, I kept learning more and more and growing, and finally I reached a point where i could laugh. I could smile. I know its small and may seem somewhat simple to some. It meant everything to me. I saw a glimpse of light and I knew one day I really WOULD be happy. In a short months after that... I truly was. 

Not only did Heavenly Father help me overcome so many challenges he helped me realize his hand in ALL things. He helped me come to know that I need to listen to him, and not fear aka Satan. He let me suffer and figure out some of my own solutions, so if this happens again, i know some tricks that will help Me personally. He blessed my body. My body was whole and strong and not weak like it once had been. He gave me peace of mind. He didnt stop there though, He provided a way for James to go to school, for us to have a wonderful new car, house, and beautiful things to go inside it. He blessed my whole life. 

This Thanksgiving I did not worry about getting fat, I did not worry that Heavenly Father was mad at me or that I could not spend enough time with my family, This Holiday season I felt Love and complete Gratitude For My Heavenly Father and for My Savior Jesus Christ. I know with out any shadow of a doubt that WHATEVER you are going through, He is the ultimate healer and comforter. I am so thankful for the gospel in my life, and for that, I will always be in debt to him. 

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Things I am grateful for:

My Husband

My Mom

My Family both my side and James side. 

Our new car

Our new house

Our new washer and dryer (so thankful for this)

Our new computer

James going to School in January

Our Jobs

Our Health

Food on the table 

My Friends

The Scriptures

The Prophet

My blog ( you better be thankful for this one too) 

My journal

The gym

To be American

AND SO MUCH MORE! Thanks everyone for all that you do to bless my life!

Heres a cute pic of the Fam and Michelle's and Michael's B-day party a few weeks ago.